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  • Writer's pictureTamara Weed

Self Forgiveness

I was watching a show the other day and one of the lines resonated with me. When I say that, I mean I felt a response within me – that “Oh Wow” moment. I wasn’t sure where it would lead me but finally, here it is. I hope that in some way my response to it resonates with someone out there. So what was the line?

“It always amazes me . . . God knows what we need and will give it to us, even when we fight it, every step of the way.”

There are several different ways, in my opinion, in which this line could have taken me. In the end, because of a story I saw on social media, I felt moved to take it in the direction of forgiveness. Not forgiveness of others, but forgiveness of ourselves.

Have you ever done something that ended up being the wrong thing to do? Have you fallen for a con, when you were sure you were smarter than that? Have you ever made a decision where you wish you could go back and make a better one than the one you made? There are probably a hundred different ways I could ask the question, but in the end the main question that all of the above (and more) make up, is this:

Have you ever needed to forgive yourself for something . . . anything? I’m talking about forgiving yourself for something where people were hurt; Lives were changed.

It’s okay – you can answer honestly while reading this. No one can hear you. I have several things in my life that I need to forgive myself for. One of those things happened way back when I was a junior in high school. To this day I regret what I did. I asked forgiveness from the other person, and was given it. I believe God has forgiven me. But I haven’t forgiven myself.

That begs the question of whether I think I’m better than God. God is the creator and is above everything, so how, if He can forgive me, can I not forgive myself? I think I’d fall back on the answer of, “I’m not perfect (obviously) like God is. He’s the parent that can see how His child could, and did, make the bad decision and all He wants is to let us know we are loved so much. Loved so much that He forgives us, if we ask for his forgiveness.

How am I even worthy of his notice, especially after I’ve hurt someone or more than someone? He says I am worthy, because He made me and He doesn’t make unworthy people. We can choose to be unworthy by the decisions we make and the paths we choose to walk that aren’t His paths for us, but unless we choose to sell our souls to Satan, we are always worthy in His eyes. Even IF we sell our souls to Satan, we are still worthy in God’s eyes, and He weeps for us as we fall. HE weeps for us!

Yet we still have trouble forgiving ourselves.

I still have trouble forgiving myself.

I’m working on that. It doesn’t happen overnight, or even over forty five years in some cases (think junior in high school). As I attempt forgiveness of myself, I remember another scene from a movie called “The Shack” where the father is attempting to forgive. He keeps repeating, as he carries his murdered child, “I forgive . . . I forgive . . .”

So, too, do I repeat that mantra.

So to bring this around to the line in the show – God knows what we need, and will give it to us, even when we fight it, every step of the way. I guess therein lies the path to forgiving ourselves. Stop fighting it every step of the way. Let God’s grace be the path you take in forgiving YOU.

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